I’m not yet back in the habit of writing regularly, but like last time, I’m in my website to keep it updated and then needing a distraction from the work I’m supposed to be doing (at nearly 8pm because the day was full of back to homeschool things).
(more…)Looking forward
As I’m rereading some old posts, I come across “Angry and Helpless“, and how so many things have changed. Back then, the lies we were fed about the severity of the pandemic had a death grip on me. I was so terrified, and upset for what they sold us the world would now looks like.
But it’s incredible how much can change in the time since that post.
I’m no longer living in fear. And our lives have changed in amazing ways, directly due to the pandemic and response by authorities. My girl has an incredibly bright future ahead of her, filled with amazing friends, love and joy, and so much free time for creating things she’s interested in.
There are still things that I hope for, such as those who caused social, emotional, economic and mental health destruction to be held accountable, but I’m not living in the space of depending on it.
It wasn’t easy by any means, but coming out of it has lead to so much soul searching and uncovering of my spirituality, and a deep dive on what I really believe.
I hope you’re coping ok xo
Evolution and Change
So many things change over time, but some stay exactly the same. Thoughts, feelings, behaviours, patterns. You have the capacity to change all of them. But can you really?
I’m soon to be 45. I can see so many places in me that have changed. But there are some that are fundamentally the same. The kind that you wished would change, without the work. Because it’s hard.
But hard is ok. If you really want something, you need to work on it. Even when it’s hard.
… Especially when it’s hard.
So if you need a reminder, keep plugging away at the things you’d like to be better, or different at.
And I will too.
Taking Stock 16 – August 2023
It’s been a while since I last wrote. It’s been a big struggle to do much of anything this past year and a half. But I was updating the plugins on my site today and decided I needed to do something for myself this evening. The families out, so I’m here, writing a taking stock. Just because I love looking back on them. 🙂
(more…)Taking Stock 15 – January 2021
Christmas and New Years is now done for another year. I know many hoped for a happier start to 2021 as we get used to the new “normal”, a phrase that’s grating on my nerves. We’re fortunate where we are, to have had a relatively ‘normal’ Christmas – there were limits on numbers, but the cap didn’t affect our celebration.
I feel for those of you who couldn’t be with your loved ones over the holiday season, and I’m sending big love to you all.
(more…)Angry and helpless
It’s been a sad morning. I’ve had tears in my eyes since my meditation. I’ve realised that my daughter will not live a normal childhood filled with time with other kids and it’s made me so sad. If she spends time with others, it will come with the proviso that she doesn’t touch or hug them.
(more…)Taking Stock 14 – September 2020
I used to love doing the taking stocks. It was so much fun looking back to see where you’ve come from, and what you loved at that moment in time. The last one I did was in March 2016.
Life has kind of gotten the better of me over the past few years. Being a mum and fitting in all the things that come with that have left me with little time or energy for the things I’d loved doing before that.
And 2020 has just body slammed so many of us. I think it might be nice to come back here later on and see what I spent my time doing. During lockdown, and during the turbulent times that ensue in a global pandemic.
(more…)Dear Alanis Morissette
Dear Alanis Morrisette
Today has been hard. As an empath all the energy and feelings swamping me haven’t been a manageable today. The heaviness of heart is so thick all around. The tears have been sitting like lead at the back of my eyes, refusing to fall.
Where I am, we’re about to go into restrictions again for 6 more weeks. No contact with anyone other than those you live with and essential services. My little girl has only seen two of her friends in the last 4 months, it’s her birthday at the end of the month and I’m heartbroken to tell her we can’t even have her family visit her for her special day.
I’ve just put your new album on while I’m writing my journal, a thought or lesson I write to my daughter or myself. I made it to Ablaze and the tears were able to fall. Thank you for this album. You’ve helped remind me that the world isn’t actually the shit storm of greed, blame and separation that it’s been feeling like lately.
You don’t know me but thank you for allowing me to feel seen and not alone. From one empath to another, this is what I needed right now at this time. And I’m sure there will be many others too needing this.
Love to you and your family
Ky xo
How do you love?
As a young adult, I had a fixed way of thinking. It was black and white, with no grey. And those black and white areas included my self esteem and self worth, how I should be loved, what work is and is not, and who I am and am not.
(more…)A reflection of 2019 and what’s ahead for 2020
I’ve been thinking about a lot of different things lately that impact my life. The type of work we do, and how we feel stuck and the lack of boundaries and planning that are keeping us in that stuck place. I’ve been thinking about the work we need to do, and the systems and processes we need to incorporate to get us unstuck. Running the numbers, we should be able to make a lot more money than we are, doing a lot less work than we are. Because I’m so tired. So we need to work smarter, plan and systemise as much as we can.
(more…)Look to the past for inspiration
Sometimes the mere act of indulging yourself an reading a book about an artist or someone who creatively inspires you can pull you through the funk. No matter how long it’s lasted. Today, sitting outside reading a book about Cecil Beaton left me feeling whole again.
It was enough to sweep away the demons that stopped me from getting my camera out. So, I took some observational or documentary style shots around home. I shot Miss 5 creating and imagining. I shot our front door and the loft stairs. With a wide angle lens, in black and white.
I’m really digging both the wide angle and monochrome right now. It takes me back to my roots in film. I’ve always had a thing for high contrast. I’m going to keep reading this book, and make it my mission for the next month to shoot at least twice a week, wide, black and white.
None of us have it figured out
You don’t. I don’t. None of us do.
We’re each on a different journey. And I think that self awareness and self love is the part that we’re trying to “figure out”. Because the further you are on that journey, the more you understand that you’ll never have it figured out.
Where you are on that journey can be the difference between chasing an impossible moving target of perfection, or accepting where you are right now. And loving yourself anyway.