What is Indie Creative? It’s my space. Originally I was going to use this site to find new makers of things. Then my hubby and I were going to add a separate arm to our web design business for creating smart phone apps. I love the name so then it became my blog. My blog started with the purpose of learning design and sharing what I’ve learned but with a small baby that focus has changed.
A few things have lead me on a new path. A path of soul searching, of questioning my thoughts, of questioning who I think I am. To get where I am currently I’ve been following a paleo framework for healthy eating. In addition to healthy eating this framework encompasses healthy living; getting enough sleep, enough sun, enough exercise, enough relaxation yada yada.
The next stage in my path to here is that I’ve had a baby. This is one big thing that has profoundly changed the way I think and has created the need to question my life, my choices and my beliefs. How do I want my daughter to see me? What do I want her to learn from me? It all came down to wanting her to grow up confident that she can wisely make her own decisions, she can set her own goals and go on to achieve them. Whether they be creative, academic, focused or wide reaching I want her to know that her life is hers. Not anybody elses. She alone has the power to do what her heart desires. She doesn’t need to follow trends, she doesn’t need to be different, or the same, or better or prettier or smarter or fatter or skinnier. She doesn’t have to be anything other than who she is.
So how do I achieve this?
This lead me to questioning my own beliefs. I don’t believe these things about and for myself so how can I pass them on to her? I’ve spent so many years, unconsciously, fitting the mould of what other people expected of me and then justified it by saying that I learned some valuable tools while doing it. Whether it be the uni courses I’ve done, the wine I drink, the television shows I’ve watched, the jobs I’ve had, smoking cigarettes .. whatever. Or the things I’ve been too scared to do for fear of not being right/perfect/acceptable.
What else has gotten me here?
Thinking about being an introvert. I’ve found over the years that I’ve found less and less to enjoy in people, and more and more to fear. I’ve always had this idea that people are selfish and cruel creatures with the desire to harm. This has lead me to becoming quite the hermit, hoarding my thoughts and my things away for fear that they’d be taken from me. I like people, I always have. Just ask my Mum, she’s forever reminding me of what a chatty outgoing child I was. I often wonder what happened to change that. I think that I’ve collected the hurts, mine and other peoples, and hoarded them away in my heart. I’ve grown to expect the hurts and it’s hard to see anything else.
My journey so far …
This started with Amanda Palmer. Her open embrace for all. From watching her on twitter and her blog, watching her Ted talk. She is the embodiment of loving and compassion.
I’ve read Quiet by Susan Cain and watched her Ted talk. This was the beginning of the most recent shift. It gave me permission to be content with being an introvert. I don’t need to justify my quiet time, my love of books, or needing some headspace when I’m not functioning well.
The journey continues with Amanda Palmer. I bought myself The Art of Asking for Christmas. I was so intrigued to find out more of her life and her struggle and how she became the person she is now. The book reads like her blog. I feel like she’s sitting across the table with a coffee or wine in hand, telling me about her life as if she was telling me about her day. She gets right inside your soul and pokes holes in it, making you question the very essence of what you thought you were. The changes I’ll be making in my life are asking for what I need, not feeling shameful or apologising for it, not judging others for their journey, and working on connecting with other people. These are all big things for me but I know I will get there.
In the past I’ve not been a huge fan of biographies if you could even call it that, but I have devoured this book since opening it yesterday (well most of, I have a few pages to go but it will be finished today). I’ve even dog eared the pages with quotes I’ve found inspiring.
I have so much admiration for her and I’m grateful she’s shared herself, she’s become a friend. Her thoughts and philosophies have become my friend. They will help me through the bad times and guide me in the good.
Next, I’m moving on to Brene Browns work. There are books and Ted talks available. I’ll start there.
What’s next for me?
Being kind to myself. Baby steps. Learning that I don’t need to apologise. (This conveniently popped up in my twitter feed today – 10 things you should never apologise for … ever!). I’m going to create a space where I can store things, stories, books, articles that remind me of these things, that pick me up when I am low, that remind me to grateful for what I have and who I am.
I’m ready for something different. It’s time to fill my heart back up. Let people back in. I’m ready. I might not be perfect, but it’s me. And that’s okay.
So what is Indie Creative?
It is my journey.
To help my daughter reach for the stars, I will first become what I want for her.