A little bit of prose after providing feedback to someone in a group forum. Apparently doing that triggers anxiety in me. The type that I usually try and avoid.
After some pondering this trigger, I usually avoid doing speaking or writing in a group or public forum because it wasn’t safe when I was small. My body remembers the feeling of being attacked for speaking in a group, or speaking my needs; and it tightened and contracted.
I’ve never been human.
A human feels things.
I never have.
Except for feeling like nothing.
And not in an enlightened kind of way.
Now I have the opportunity to feel that I am safe. I have my own back.
Maybe I am human.
The things that were locked away,
no longer need to be.
I can be my own safety.
And learn to feel things anew.