Do you shrink away, make yourself smaller so you don’t get noticed? Yeah me too. And it’s something I’m trying to give up. I’m trying to own the space that I so dearly want to take up. So much so, that there’s a lot of mantras coming out me at the moment. From the last post we have ‘say fuck it and have a go’. But that can be tough when we don’t think we deserve to take up the space we need to do that.
From being bullied and teased in primary school for looking funny (I had no top teeth), to being teased for singing silly made up jingles in high school. Being told by my year 11 English teacher that my writing was terrible, plus bunches of other stuff in between, I’ve been slowly shrinking. Not height wise, I’m a totally respectable 5’5”, or 165 cm’s tall.
I mean my soul, my essence, my spirit. The thing that makes up who you are, and translates into the amount of physical space you take up. It’s been shrinking for a long time and sometimes I wonder if it’s still there at all.
It might not feel like it’s there, but you know what? It is. It’s just waiting for you to decide to find it. And when you find it, you need to nurture it. It’ll start off as a tiny spark, something catches your interest. You’d really like to have a go, but, then all the doubts creep in again.
That’s ok, sit with them. Give them a name, Harry, Bob, Sharon, Arlo, whatever works – it’s up to you. And say, ‘oh hi Arlo, it’s you again. Thanks for stopping by, but you can just sit over there and be quiet, because I’ve got this’.
You might not feel like it’s true, your voice might waver, but keep saying it. “I am worthy of this space”. Your spirit will hear, and it’ll find her way back, and you’ll become more comfortable taking up space.
Your opinions matter, your story matters, your art matters. You’re allowed to take up space.
Is there anyone else that feels this way?