I grew up with the old adage
“Fool me once, shame on you,
Fool me twice, shame on me.”
While it’s quite often personally a good thing to focus on self preservation. Should it really be shame on me for falling for the actions of someone who isn’t authentic? Should we always prioritise self preservation over trusting other people? Where do we draw the line with self preservation and at what point does it turn in to ego? We have an instinctual need to survive and protect our family. It seems that somewhere along the line, ego has replaced self preservation. Community and trust have been lost, replaced with judgement and self entitlement. Everyone out for themselves.
Is this an issue of culture or society? I don’t know.
I’m not sure how it happened to me. I lived this way too, until recently. In a quest to become the person I’d like to be I’ve been reading and researching. The self awareness I’ve gained has had a profound impact on the way I think. The selfish thoughts no longer escape into my mind dictating further thoughts and actions. I now examine them against a framework of who I want to be and what I’d like to achieve. “That person cut me off” no longer equates to furious anger that lingers for hours after the event. It has morphed into “maybe they’re having a bad day, the kids could be playing up and they didn’t see me”, then “I don’t want to be around my daughter angry so I’ll let the anger go”.
One of the books I’ve read recently is Dare Greatly by Brene Brown. It is about the need to be vulnerable to live your most effective and content life. It defines the difference between guilt and shame and how they impact our lives differently. Guilt are the feelings we feel when we’ve done something regrettable. Shame are the feelings we feel for no tangible reason, it could be fear or humiliation, but ultimately it leaves us feeling worth less. Shame leaves us in the gutter, believing that we don’t deserve better, believing that we don’t deserve what we want.
Dare greatly is about putting yourself out there to be the person you want to be. It’s about trusting that you are enough. It’s about respecting and responding to the vulnerability in others and trusting that we each are on our own journey. It’s about creating a world filled with trust and compassion instead of blame and judgement. It’s about daring greatly.
“Fool me twice, shame on me.” No, I don’t think so. To be vulnerable we must trust. Sometimes you’ll get hurt as is the way of the world. This doesn’t make EVERYONE an asshole, and the world isn’t conspiring to bring you down. The only asshole is the person who hurt you. The only way to live free is to forgive them, and live your vulnerable life.
Go have a squizz at Brene Browns TED talk. Ted talks rock don’t they?
Image courtesy of Kaboompics on pixabay.